Omnomicon

I try pretty hard to feature original ideas for my food, and the cost is a lot of failure. Buckets of the stuff. Ugh. And as I move away from tried and true recipes toward completely new ones, it gets harder and harder to have a backlog of material if something doesn’t work out. This, coupled with my procrastinatorial nature, leads to a lot of fruitless nights.

Let’s discuss food philosophy a moment. Tastiness is tantamount. That’s one quality I can never bring myself to sacrifice. But the economist in me is always trying to balance out two other priorities: cool factor, calorie control & time to cook. Okay, three other priorities. Anyway, back to my point, sometimes something really REALLY satisfying and light doesn’t look like much of anything, and it’s worth it, because, well, it’s really REALLY tasty and hello skinny (like my homely Shrimp Surf ‘n Bake). Other times it’s just too heavenly NOT to share, and I cite as evidence the most amazing food Crisco can make (spoiler: it’s whoopie pies).

My recent neglect of calorie control has manifested itself in the form of an additional five solid pounds, a development that in itself is not a big deal, but I find that five pounds quickly becomes 40 for me, so my attention is important. To that end, I tried to return to my weight watching roots and had this great reinterpretation of Huevos Rancheros. I have exactly one problem with this recipe, and it makes it such that this will never work: eggs take for-freakin-EVER too bake inside a tomato. Forever. After 50 minutes of baking, the egg white was woefully inedible. I can’t justify spending any more time baking something just because it’s a neat way to do it.

I’ll admit that this photo really looks quite tasty. And I’m sure it would be, too, if it didn’t so cavalierly scoff at safe food handling practices. It’s tough to illustrate the slimy clear uncooked egg white smeared all over this dish, but I assure you it’s there.

 

This cake pan, where I threw all the salmonella-laden refuse, shows a clearer picture of the dinner’s inedibility.

There might be some merit to cooking the salsa properly, then frying an egg and serving it in a roasted tomato shell like that, but I felt the tomato flavour was just way too pronounced and difficult to overcome with what I threw into the salsa there. I did try making a tomato tube (instead of a tomato cup), throwing the egg at the bottom and salsa on top, but after 30 minutes it became clear that the egg white was rising and doing its whole “stubbornly not cooking” thing.

So that’s what I did last night. All I have to offer in terms of actionable food is not so much a recipe as it is an idea: fruited oatmeal is never as sweet as it should be and always seems to require additional sugar to balance the tartness. So I made a mango puree—one mango seems to do it for about 1 cup dried oatmeal, or four servings. I’ve dubbed it “Mangoatmeal,” because it’s vegan and I wanted to give it a name that made it sound decidedly non-vegan and even possibly cannibalistic. Also, because that was just the most obvious portmanteau.

Some visual notes.

Hopefully this weekend I will be cooking up a storm so I have something to report other than “my cooking skills cannot keep up with my creativity.” I have to say, though, I actually find most of my failed creations to be quite amusing. They say you learn more from your failures, and it’s true. Luckily I’m also quite adept at laughing at my own folly; it genuinely amuses me. So no need for consolation. I got a good laugh and a good lesson out of this deal.

I can’t even begin to say how nice everyone was in their comments on that last post. Really. I thought the internet was full of douchey trolls and angry 14-year-olds . . . my my we’ve all grown up.  My five-year-old self would be thrilled to have such a generous audience (side note: audiences are not kind to five-year-olds making up endless stories).

Also, nobody should worry that my regular schedule will be undermined; it shall merely be added to. Last week was an exception and not the new thing.

And here’s your daily nom.

Hola! Como esta? Bueno!

My Spanish isn’t what it never used to be, but guess who has two thumbs and just celebrated a 25th birthday.

->this gal<-, that’s who!

I received so many wonderful gifts from my closest pals, and I include among them the gift of everyone’s presence at my karaoke bash, which is all I really wanted anyway. But SOME people (yes, I am talking about you, Erin) are apparently way the hell too cool and just had to go out and make my birthday extra-special—and I guess I can’t complain because you guys,

Check

This

Out.

Are you frickin kidding?! Totally adorable, funky, completely vintage and all mine. So I prefer family items because what’s vintage really without a good story, right? OH WELL HEY IT CAME WITH ONE OF THOSE TOO.

This lovely oven proof cassarole [sic] was a Christmas gift from Billy to his Nana Mary Nicotera in 1971. Nana cherished it and never used it except to display on the kitchen counter. A lovely family heirloom which could be used as a cookie jar.

Billy purchased it at a fine quality gift shop in Marblehead. Unfortunately the ID card of the manufacturer went astray but it is of fine quality.
Bea Cannata
Billy’s mom 4/15/78

I can’t even believe that I have come to own a 40-year-old piece that may or may not have ever been used, but if it has, it certainly doesn’t show. So until I find a suitable cherry-popping recipe, I will cherish it and admire the class it brings to my kitchen counter.

Thank you, Erin, for sharing the most fantastic taste of anyone I know.

So this is completely unrelated to my birthday, other than I made it the morning of receiving The Great Gift. Finnish pancakes! There’s not too much in the way of ingredients, but they all pull their weight in a crescendo of souffle-like tastiness.

Man, that ingredient set is as white as Rhode Island.

I love the egg yolk peeking out from under there. Hello, little egg yolk!

What makes pancakes Finnish is, apparently, that they are pancaked in the oven rather than the stove top. This is a great way to serve a large number of people piping hot pancakes all at once.

Serving suggestions (2).

Serve with love.

Finnish Pancakes
Courtesy of Massachusetts Poultry Association, Inc.
Buy lots of eggs!!!

4 tbsp butter, melted
4 eggs
2 c milk
1/2 c flour
2 tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 450^o, and pour the melted butter into a 9″x16″ baking pan.

Beat eggs until foamy but not whippy, until well-blended. Beat with milk, flour, sugar and salt. Pour into pan with butter and bake 20-23 minutes.

Serve any way you like! Serving suggestions pictured include powdered sugar & cinnamon and real Massachusetts maple syrup.

 

 

nutrition summary: (for 1 of 8 servings, made with fat free egg substitute & skim milk) 115 calories, 6g fat, <1g fiber; 3 weight watchers points

Woo! More diner food. Get excited.

What I mean to say is “Get excited, you’re going to be one skinny bitch or dude!”

(Hey! Some of those menu items are clickable.)

Yum! The sausage is a *mite* time-consuming, but it’s delicious and easy to freezey. Here, lemme show you.

This called for a number of spices I don’t normally use, hence the unappealing array of unsightly jars. It even looks better on raw meat, somehow.

Since turkey comes in 1.25 lb packages, and since I haven’t tested the spice blend with that much turkey (I saved the extra quarter pound for a chili), I would say to use generous 1/2 tsps of the spices. Because we’re talking an extra 1/8 tsp, and my measuring spoons don’t even get that small. It’s about a pinch.

Now weigh out 1.1 oz patties. I know that’s kind of a weird size, but they were just the right size. If you don’t have a scale, divide your meat into about 12 parts. Ball up the meat, then pat it down, and stack between little squares of wax paper.

Now chill it for an hour. After the hour’s gone by, wrap whatever you aren’t going to use in saran wrap, then throw them in a freezer-safe bag in the freezer. To thaw later, microwave on high in two 10 second intervals, allowing a minute or so between nukings.

After the hour’s up, get a pan hot, then lay down a patty. Let it sit for a couple minutes, then flip. Let sit another couple minutes. Cut into one to be sure you’ve cooked all the way through (these should be rather thin, so if both sides look white, you’re probably all set).

And there you are! Money shot in a bit.

Now for the eggs. I love love LOVE egg substitute, and I use it anywhere I can get away with it. I don’t care what anyone says, for a scramble, these are fantastic. And oh so low calorie. I put a pinch of cayenne and probably a 1/4 tsp of garlic powder. Garlic powder is this amazing thing that you can put in fat free food to make it a thousand times more satisfying. You may have heard of it.

Next, some stuff to add a little fiber to your meal.

In addition to being delicious, these are lovely additions to your eggs. First you want to salt and pepper these . . . because they are particularly low-fat, the salt helps bring out a lot of otherwise neglected flavour. Sautee on medium-high for a few minutes, then set the burner to medium and lid it for another few minutes to let the broccoli get nice and tender.

Aaaaahhh!! Egg substunami!

Scramble it up in your awful pan that sticks to everything even when you use cooking spray.

You are perhaps thinking “But Aleta, I only like broccoli when its flavour is completely masked by cheese!” Have no fear, cheese-lover . . . there is such a thing as fat free shredded cheddar, and it goes on top of these eggs.

Now turn off the burner and, without moving your pan, lid it again to melt the cheese without burning the shit out of your eggs.

Mmmmmelty.

And that’s dinner.

Maple Turkey Sausage
adapted from a recipe by A Taste of Home

1.25 lbs ground light turkey
1 tbsp maple syrup
One generous half-teaspoon each:
salt
onion powder
dried sage
dried thyme
poultry seasoning
nutmeg
1/4 tsp cayenne powder (plus a pinch for the adventurous)

Mix the turkey with the spices and maple syrup. Pat into tight 1.1 oz patties (about 14 total). You want these pretty thin so they don’t have to cook for very long. Layer between squares of wax paper and chill in the fridge one hour.

No no, the turkey patties, not you. Get out of there.

Heat a nonstick pan to HOT, then cook each side of the patty 2-3 minutes. Cut into one to be sure that there’s no pink in the middle.

These freeze and reheat fantastically, and I highly recommend making a month’s supply at a time. To do so, wrap each patty individually with plastic wrap, then store in a freezer bag in your freezer. They should last a good few months that way.

Easy Fo-cheesey Egg Scramble

1/2 c egg substitute

pinch of cayenne
pinch of garlic powder
1/3 c (or more) chopped broccoli
1/4 c chopped onion
1 slice packaged ham, chopped
1/4 c fat free shredded cheddar cheese
1/4 medium tomato, chopped, with the gutsy part left out, for garnish

Spray your pan with cooking spray, and heat to medium-high. Sautee the veggies until the onions start to look translucent (a few minutes), then cover the pan with a lid to help the broccoli cool.

Meanwhile, whisk the egg with the cayenne and garlic powder.

Remove the lid, turn heat to medium, and add the egg. Scramble it up. These cook pretty quickly. When the egg is no longer runny, sprinkle the cheese on top, turn off the burner, and lid the pan again to melt the cheese without burning the egg. About two minutes later, you, my friend have a cheesey egg scramble.

ATTENTION SAFARI USERS: perhaps you went to my blogspot and were redirected here? I’m not sure why that’s happening, but I do know the reason is because of my recent move to Omnomicon.com. Since I lack the technical abilities to fix this right now, please update your bookmark/links and you should be able to see all my recent posts. Thanks for your patience!

So I’ve been back on Weight Watchers to lose my last little bit of weight there, and unfortunately this limits the number of lovely baked goods I can feature. But rather than cook/bake items of which I can only enjoy half a portion, I’ve decided to pass my cheap little diet secrets onto anyone who’s interested.

I’ll tell you something, in case you didn’t know already: eating out SUCKS when you’re essentially counting every calorie. Diner food is easy because it’s so simple, but every time I go out for diner food, I sit there thinking about how easy it would be to slim down the same dishes. We decided to institute Diet Diner Dinners once weekly to make eating things like egg substitute and light Italian bread a special meal. This also gives me a focus for the blog, which it so desperately needs.

We’ll start with the basics. Here, have a menu. Take a look.

Bacon is a diner food STAPLE. Sometimes I feel guilty ordering a diner plate without it because shit, the smell of bacon grease is what Sunday morning hangover food is all about. I’ve tried turkey bacon, and while I’m not afraid of food colouring nor fake diet food, that stuff is remarkably unappetizing. Those stripes and that awful off-taste don’t convince me at all. What is a surprisingly good substitute is frying up some ham and kinda just pretending it’s bacon. Goes well with a fried egg.

No pan greasing required! And a single 30-calorie slice of ham makes four slices of fakin bacon. Just the right amount for a single egg.

Now because I’m completely unoriginal (and also because I’ve never made hash browns before), I followed Simply Recipe’s Crispy Hash Browns Recipe. I cut the oil down to 2 tbsp to achieve that delicious crispy hash brown taste without all the calories.

I should write commercials.

I started with a pound of potatoes. This is what they looked like.

There was a lonely potato as I was shredding ’em. Dano took a picture. It’s my new desktop background. Grab the large size on Flickr if’n ya want yer own.

Alrighty. Elise was so right about draining the potatoes. In the absence of a potato ricer, I annihilated about half a roll of paper towels drying these out. It was worth it.

I guess it’s a little subtle in the photos . . .

I threw on some salt, pepper, paprika, garlic powder, a pinch of cayenne, and probably other spices from my standard fare.

Then I ruined the photo by mixing it all up. This stuff is not terribly photogenic, not gonna lie.

But in the end? Best diet food ever.

Next week there will be more diner food. Stay tuned, cats ‘n kittens!!